The Ultimate Collection of Husband Wife Jokes: Humor for Married Couples


Wife: “Honey, why did you put our blender in the freezer?”

Husband: “I wanted to make some ice-breaking conversations at dinner tonight!”

Husband: “You know, I’ve always wanted to travel the world with you.”

Wife: “Starting with taking out the trash to the end of the driveway, right?”

Wife: “I bought a new dress today and the tag said ‘one size fits most’.”

Husband: “Oh, so it’s like our remote control! It works for most of the devices, but not when you really need it.”

Husband: “I was thinking of getting a six-pack.”

Wife: “Of beer?”

Husband: “No, abs!”

Wife: “Oh, I thought you were being realistic.”

Wife: “Our love story is like a fairy tale.”

Husband: “Because we live happily ever after?”

Wife: “No, because every time I ask you to do something, you act like you’re under a spell.”

Husband: “Honey, I think I’ve figured out the secret to eternal happiness.”

Wife: “Let me guess, another gadget from the infomercials?”

Husband: “No! It’s putting the toilet seat down. Who knew?”

Wife: “Why are you eating cereal with a fork?”

Husband: “I thought I’d try dieting. This way, I eat less milk.”

Husband: “Our neighbor said that we’re the ‘Salt and Pepper’ of the neighborhood.”

Wife: “Because we spice things up?”

Husband: “No, because we’re starting to show our gray hairs.”

Wife: “What’s your superpower?”

Husband: “Listening to you without actually listening.”

Wife: “What did you say?”

Husband: “See?”

Husband: “I tried to make pancakes for breakfast.”

Wife: “Why is the kitchen on fire?”

Husband: “I said I tried.”

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