The Ultimate Collection of Husband Wife Jokes: Humor for Married Couples Page-3

Wife: “Why are you acting like a detective in the kitchen?”

Husband: “Just trying to figure out who ate the last slice of cake!”

Wife: “Spoiler: It was you.”


Husband: “I’ve started a new diet where I eat in front of a mirror.”

Wife: “Does it help?”

Husband: “It’s not the food I lose interest in, it’s my reflection.”


Wife: “I’m thinking of taking up painting.”

Husband: “Oh, what will you paint?”

Wife: “First, the living room. Next, the bedroom.”


Husband: “Do you believe in parallel universes?”

Wife: “Yes, in one of them you’re probably doing the dishes.”


Wife: “I read that laughing together strengthens a marriage.”

Husband: “That explains why we’re so strong after every DIY project.”


Husband: “I got us a gym membership!”

Wife: “That’s great! When do we start?”

Husband: “I said ‘us,’ not ‘me and you’. I needed a gym buddy.”


Wife: “Can you explain why there’s a boat in our driveway?”

Husband: “It was a sale – buy one boat, dream of the sea for free!”


Husband: “I’ve found the secret to eternal youth!”

Wife: “Let me guess, forgetting your age?”


Wife: “What did you get from the grocery store?”

Husband: “A realization that we should’ve made a list.”


Husband: “I’ve got a joke for you. Knock, knock.”

Wife: “Who’s there?”

Husband: “Husband.”

Wife: “Husband who?”

Husband: “Husband trying to remember what he came into the room for.”